Jokes Categories Authors Login


Id Joke Categories Author Voting Actions
249 Why do women have breasts?

So men will talk to them.

286 Hitler walks into the meeting room and turns to his trusted staff.

"I want you to organise the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten."

Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. "Mein Führer, why do you want to kill a kitten?"

Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. "You see, no one cares about the Jews."
Racism > Jew
Crime > Genocide
Celebrities > Historical Figures
Author: Unassigned
Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2007 09:37:01 +0100
Up: 400.0
Down: 39.2
Up: 600
Down: 56
Score: 21188
297 Why do women have legs?

Have you ever seen the trail a snail leaves?

317 An Arab has been found dead at the bottom of Michael Barrymore's swimming pool.

Apparently it was a suicide bummer.
Celebrity and news events > Michael Barrymore

Score: 2772
325 This morning on the way to work I drove into the back of a car, at some lights, whilst not really paying attention.

The driver got out and he was a dwarf.

He said, "I'm not happy."

I replied, "Well, which one are you then?"
Illness and Mortality > Dwarfism

Author: sickfuck
Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2007 16:07:58 +0000
Up: 1,561.6
Down: 142.6
Up: 2028
Down: 161
Score: 2965
326 I bought a race horse and decided to call it "MY FACE".

Just imagine it running down the home straight with all the women shouting "COME ON MY FACE"!!

327 A Doctor goes into a hospital ward to see a pregnant lady, who has had terrible stomach cramps and fears for the unborn child...

"Well, my dear, there's good news and bad news. We've run some tests and the bad news is that your baby has ginger hair."

"Oh no!" she replies. "What's the good news?"

The Doctor replies, "It's dead."

Religion and racism > Ginger

Author: parlour
Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2007 17:10:43 +0100
Up: 224.8
Down: 32.6
Up: 352
Down: 63
Score: 1,295.8
336 I work for the Samaritans. I tried to call in sick this morning but the fuckers talked me out of it. Jokes with no home > One Liners

Score: 1962
350 There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday. He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father.

"Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today?" the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up.

"I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today?"

"Let me give it a guess." Grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for a while, squeezing them, moving them back and forth, takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old."

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father."
Sex and Shit > ??? General

Author: sickfuck
Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2007 16:52:49 +0000
Up: 225.2
Down: 30.0
Up: 390
Down: 50
Score: 4
352 What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country?

Sexy kids.

398 Remember that news footage a few years ago showing Michael Jackson dangling a young child from a hotel balcony?

Odd, because he normally just tosses them off.
In The News > Celebrity Death
Celebrities > Michael Jackson
Score: 1,010.8
400 What's the difference between a black man and a park bench?

A park bench can support a family.
Racism > Black

Author: check_the_exit
Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2007 22:02:44 +0100
Up: 135.2
Down: 13.6
Up: 208
Down: 24
Score: 216
411 17 year old Susan asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

DAD: "Only if you suck my cock, Susan. You know the rules..."

Susan sighs and drops to her knees. Dad whips his cock out and she gets to work. Instantly, she recoils in disgust.

SUSAN: "Eurrghh! It tastes like shit!"

DAD: " Yeah, your brother wanted to borrow twenty pounds..."

Sex and Shit > Blow Job

Author: sickfuck
Date: Fri, 15 Jun 2007 22:45:41 +0100
Up: 99.6
Down: 14.8
Up: 146
Down: 26
Score: 838.6
412 I'm a little girl, I have a little thing, when I go to bed, I put my finger in.

Now I'm much older, my thing has lost it's charm.

Now it takes 5 fingers and half my fucking arm!

439 What is better than winning a medal at the Paraplegic Olympics?

Having two legs.
Illness and Mortality > Disability
Sports > Paralympics
Author: sickfuck
Date: Sat, 16 Jun 2007 06:57:55 +0000
Up: 13.0
Down: 1.0
Up: 13
Down: 1
Score: 1,890.6
455 I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop wanking.

I asked, "Why?"

She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Sex and Shit > Masturbation

Author: Wadey
Date: Sat, 16 Jun 2007 09:34:12 +0100
Up: 427.4
Down: 12.4
Up: 589
Down: 18
Score: 2,705.4
463 Why do women get periods?

Because they deserve them!

493 Why wasn't Christ born in America?

They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Religion and racism > Americans

Score: 1776
503 A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

The man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

His wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

The man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
Sex and Shit > Wife

Author: sickfuck
Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2007 10:55:12 +0100
Up: 612.4
Down: 22.4
Up: 862
Down: 28
Score: 3,122.4
506 How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake! Jokes with no home > Fat People