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3146 Women only have orgasms because it's another chance for them to moan. Sex and shit > Women

Author: Aye-same
Date: Mon, 30 Jul 2007 15:46:31 +0100
Up: 54.6
Down: 4.8
Up: 69
Down: 8
Score: 1,107.4
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3149 When did Pinnochio first realise he was made of wood?





When he had a wank............and his fuckin' hand caught fire
Sex and shit > Wanking

Score: 104
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3151 I met my mate Fat Frank yesterday and he looked kind of down. So I asked him "Why the long face"



"I was thrown out of an all you can eat buffet"



"Jesus! Frank, you should sue them for false advertising"



"No i think they were right to throw me out, I mean I did rape the waitress"
Jokes with no home > Fat People

Score: 830
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3155 i bought some Olympic condoms yesterday, 3 in a packet and they're gold ,silver and bronze coloured , the cheeky fuckin' wife said "you can wear the silver one tonight" and i asked "why?" ,"Because it'll be nice to see you come fuckin' 2nd for a change" she said Sex and shit > Condom

Score: 9
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3157 I had my dreams crushed yesterday.

It turns out the newspaper headline "Village still looking for paedophile" wasn't a vacancy
Sex and shit > Paedophilia

Score: 3
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3160 My girlfriend recently broke up with me after rejecting the idea that we have sex in a graveyard.



Im not too upset tho............she'll die eventually
Sex and shit > Necrophilia

Score: 1
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3161 Why can't Stevie Wonder read?



Because he's black.
Religion and racism > Blacks

Score: -1
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3162 Whats the difference between Tommy Cooper and Mike Reid?



Tommy died just like that,

And Mike went Wollop.
Celebrity and news events > Mike Reid

Score: -4
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3163 There's a Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani on a train and they're all desperate to impress one another, so the Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says "There's plenty more of that where I come from!"





The others seem impressed with this so the Cuban takes out a fine havana cigar, takes one puff and throws it off the train saying: "There's plenty more of those where I come from".



Again everyone is impressed so the Englishman stands up... and throws the Pakistani off the train...
Religion and racism > Pakistani

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3164 Q. Who's the best Jewish cook?







A. Hitler.
Religion and racism > Hitler

Score: 20
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3165 Q. Whats the worst thing about licking a bald pussy?



A. Taking the dirty nappy off beforehand...
Sex and shit > Paedophilia

Score: 1
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3166 Patient: "Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!"



Doctor: "That's the least of your problems... You have AIDS."
Illness and mortality > AIDS

Score: 1
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3167 How do you make five pounds of fat look good?



Give it a nipple.
Sex and shit > Boobs

Score: 2677
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3168 At the South African Police Academy, the recruits face their final interview.



The commander takes in the first recruit. "Recruit Bernheim. For your final test, I want you to go into the street, kill 3 kaffas and a bunny rabbit." The recruit looks perplexed and finally responds. "But commander, apartheid is over I cannot do this." He's instantly sent home and rejected from the first.



The second recruit enters and is again issued with the same task. "But commander, we live in a modern South Africa, I can't possibly do that." He too is sent packing.



The final recruit enters. "Recruit van Rensburg. For your last test, I want you to go out into the street then kill 3 kaffas and a bunny rabbit." Again the recruit looks confused and after some deliberation he responds to the commander. "Commander, I have just one question. Why do we have to kill the rabbit?" To which the commander says "Congratulations, You're In!!"
Religion and racism > South African

Score: 1299
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3169 What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Madeleine McCann jokes?



Madeleine McCann jokes get old
Celebrity and news events > Madeleine McCann

Score: 1
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3206 A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.



The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Illness and mortality > Suicide
Other > Library
Author: ht
Date: Tue, 31 Jul 2007 21:33:25 +0000
Up: 4,763.0
Down: 22,723
Up: 5623
Down: 2177
Score: 22,723
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3252 How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say "Fuck"?



Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to shout "BINGO!"
Illness and mortality > Old people

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3254 An old guy walks into a new pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:



#1 CHEESE-BURGER: £1.50

#2 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £2.50

#3 HAND-JOB: £10.00



Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meagre looking group of men.



"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"



"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"



"Yes," she purrs, "I am."



The man replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."
Sex and Shit > Prostitutes

Author: Aye-same
Date: Thu, 02 Aug 2007 00:52:38 +0100
Up: 113.8
Down: 7.2
Up: 145
Down: 8
Score: 1,217.4
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3265 Why does a darkie wear white gloves in the cinema?



So he can see his choc-ice.
Religion and racism > Black

Score: -9
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3387 A chap sees an advert in a pet shop window for a talking centipede, priced at ?500.

Thinking he's found a bargain, he buys it and takes it home in a box. After about 30 minutes, he opens the box and politely asks if the centipede would like to go down the pub for a pint, but the centipede doesn't answer. A couple of minutes later, he asks again, but still no response. He starts to get a bit pissed off, and thinking he's been done he shouts the question again, at which the centipede pops his head out of the box and says, "I heard you the first time you twat, I'm putting my fucking shoes on!"
Illness and mortality > Pregnancy And Abortion

Score: 427
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