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Id Joke Categories Author Voting Actions
3388 Q: What is the medical term for the fatty tissue, surrounding the clitoris?

A: The wife
Sex and shit > Wife

Score: 1911
3390 A teacher in class asks the kids, "who said, 'We will fight them on the beaches'?"

A paki kid sticks his hand up and answers, "Winston Churchill, 1940, Miss."

At which point a voice from the back of the class says, "fuck off home, you black cunt."

The teacher was furious and demanded, "who said that?"

The voice replied, "Enoch Powell, 1965."
Religion and racism > Pakistani

Score: -2
3405 Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken.

So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

3445 A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the pavement before stopping just inches from a lamppost.

After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"

"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.

"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.

"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."
Illness and Mortality > Death

Author: McLOVIN
Date: Sun, 05 Aug 2007 23:20:04 +0000
Up: 55.0
Down: 7.0
Up: 63
Down: 7
Score: 591.6
3446 A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?"

The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"

To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my load in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
Sex and Shit > Blow Job

Author: McLOVIN
Date: Mon, 06 Aug 2007 00:40:22 +0100
Up: 126.8
Down: 7.2
Up: 182
Down: 8
Score: 1,105.2
3530 Why have no women ever been sent to the moon?

It doesn't need cleaning yet.
Sex and Shit > Women

Author: tokem0n
Date: Tue, 07 Aug 2007 04:19:54 +0100
Up: 38.8
Down: 3.4
Up: 50
Down: 5
Score: 919.8
3581 A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The bar man gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl. "You look great tonight!" it said, "You really look fantastic... And that aftershave is just wonderful!"

The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it. Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine. "You WANKER... Oh my god you STINK... Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother!".

By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an explanation.

"Ah yes sir," the barman responds, "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
Other > Food and Drink

Author: McLOVIN
Date: Tue, 07 Aug 2007 15:26:00 +0100
Up: 43.0
Down: 4.4
Up: 51
Down: 6
Score: 535.8
3639 Woman: Would you get married again?

Man: Definitely not!

Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?

Man: Of course I do.

Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

Man: Okay, I'd get married again.

Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)

Man: (audible groan)

Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

Man: Where else would we sleep?

Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?

Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?

Man: No... she's left-handed.
Sex and Shit > Wife

Author: McLOVIN
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:21:31 +0100
Up: 37.4
Down: 4.0
Up: 43
Down: 4
Score: 614
3781 Q. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

A. That's one of the side-effects of mace..

3846 A bloke goes into the doctors and says, "I've got a mole on my dick, can you remove it please?"

So the chap pulls his trousers and pants down, and the doc says, "Yes sir, I can remove that mole... but I'm afraid I'm going to have to report you to the RSPCA."
Sex and Shit > Animals

Author: pornstar
Date: Mon, 13 Aug 2007 15:43:09 +0000
Up: 333.8
Down: 44.2
Up: 405
Down: 53
Score: 2,296.4
3904 The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that bastard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."
Crime > ??? General

Author: mediator
Date: Wed, 15 Aug 2007 00:12:12 +0100
Up: 103.6
Down: 7.0
Up: 158
Down: 7
Score: 591
3964 Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman are discussing family.

Englishman says, "My son was born on St.George's Day so I called him George!"

"What a coincidence!" says the Scotsman, "My son was born on St.Andrews Day so I called him Andrew!"

"Jaysus!" says the Irishman, "That's fucking amazing!, wait 'til I go home and tell our Pancake!!!
Other > Family

Score: 377.6
3971 What do you call a black bitch with four dogs?

The Spice Girls
Celebrity and news events > Spice Girls

Score: 2
4042 Did you hear about the new paint, called Blonde paint?

It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Sex and shit > Sex

Score: 7768
4186 What's the difference between PMT and BSE?

One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fucking mental, and the other is some kind of agricultural problem

4197 A drug addict, a paedophile and a sadist are talking about what kind of women they like. The druggie says, "I like my women like I like my whisky: twenty years old and mixed up with coke."

"I like my women like I like my soda: a few months old and flat as hell," says the paedophile.

"Well," says the sadist, "I like my women like I like my wine: one hundred years old and locked up in a cellar."
Sex and Shit > Women

Author: pdf1
Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2007 22:40:06 +0000
Up: 96.4
Down: 15.0
Up: 130
Down: 19
Score: 2,952.2
4273 A tragic fire this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush.

The fire began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept.

Both of his books have been lost.

A presidential spokesman said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished colouring the second one.
Celebrities > George Bush

Author: Giraffrican
Date: Fri, 24 Aug 2007 01:12:14 +0100
Up: 32.4
Down: 2.0
Up: 42
Down: 2
Score: 791.4
4319 What are the first words in a Mexican cookbook?

Steal a chicken.
Religion and racism > Mexicans

Score: 1717
4339 One day three old ladies were sitting on a park bench and this guy jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a stroke, the second one had a stroke, but the third one's arm was too short to reach.
Other > Family

Score: 1,872.2
4364 Why did David Beckham have a bald head?

Because Victoria's mate said her sex life would be better if she shaved her twat!
Celebrities > Footballers

Author: bleugh
Date: Sun, 26 Aug 2007 00:45:31 +0100
Up: 35.6
Down: 8.6
Up: 50
Down: 11
Score: 542